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Nature's Song



Crickets. Their sound buzzes in my ears. It's calling me. Grabbing my clothes and pulling me out the door. The old rickety screen squeaks open and slams shut behind me. On the front porch steps I sit, and wait, listening to the melody of the crickets. The sun has left a honey-brown glow on the horizon; it's not quite dark enough to see them yet. A light breeze sends the long willow branches swaying, moving their long arms beckoning me closer. My feet bare feet find their way across the damp, soft grass. It tickles my toes as I scurry across the yard. I run my fingers across the long, drooping branches of the tree as I climb. Higher and higher, I can start to see further and further. Finally, my feet find the last foothold and my perch is there. High up in this tree, I can see the world below. I look at the horizon again, this time it's a bronze-purple color. Soon! I think to myself. I pull the small Mason jar from my pocket and hold it up to the last drops of sunlight. The colorful sky is warped and swirled through the jar, but it's kind of pretty. That's when they start to come out. I see the first one, and it's like someone dropped a tiny star onto the earth. It hovers above the ground, its glow increasing with each wing beat. I watch in fascination as more appear just like the other. The sun is gone now, but I won't need it. Their light is bright enough.

It looks as though the sky was dumped onto the earth, a million tiny stars glowing beneath me. I admire their glow for a while before slowly climbing down. With each step, the tiny sky of stars gets closer, and starts to look more like a field of wild flowers. I reach the bottom and leap the rest of the way down, letting my toes squirm around in the long, soft grass. I approach the fireflies carefully at first, sinking down to where each one was at eye level. I open the jar and reach forward slowly, letting them fly into my jar rather than chasing them. Once I'm satisfied with the number, I close the lid, careful to make sure the holes are wide enough for air. I straighten back up and look around me. Hundreds of tiny fireflies swim around me through the air, dancing in the false moonlight that they cast.

Again I sit on the porch steps, the peeling white paint illuminated with a green glow. I hold the jar up to my face again and watch them fly around, their lights flickering on and off. I breathe in the cool summer air, the smell of moist grass and rain fills the air. I look up at the sky to see a million tiny stars staring down at me. It's as if the stars were the fireflies' reflection in a black lagoon. I take a look at the jar one last time before setting it on the step next to me and unscrewing the lid. I watch as they slowly find their way out of the jar and back into the air. I smile and take another deep breath. Turning around, I open the creaky door and step inside, letting it slam behind me. I can hear the light breeze as it rustles through the willow trees, its branches waving goodbye.
And the crickets, they're louder than ever now. Together, it's nature's symphony.

The world's song.

149

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Contest entry for #Wielders-of-the-Pen.



I've actually never caught a firefly before ^^, I don't think I've even actually seen a real one flying around. I don't live where they live XD
So I just wrote about what I imagined they would be like.
Critiques are welcome!

Enjoy ~:heart:



Literature (c) Moon-DaZzLe

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Submitted on
October 29, 2012
File Size
3.2 KB
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149
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:iconaliforever331:
~aliforever331 Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Creativity:9+ Love the story of it and imagery.

Originality: 9+ Very, very little overused phrases.

Message: 7+ Not a very clear message, emphasis on the beauty of nature and discovery.

Interest: 9+ I shared the fascination of this person catching fireflies! That's how real it felt.

Choice of Words: 7+ a few errors, verb tense. You repeat the phrase 'around me' twice in the last two sentences of paragraph two. Usually that isn't a bad thing...but when so close together it stuck out to me. Other than that, I loved the way you worded this story! Beautiful.

Use of Punctuation: 10+ I didn't find any punctuation mistakes, and you seemed to use it to your advantage.

Education: 8+ Considering you've never seem a firefly I found it interesting that this is what you came up with. It's lovely and well written and inspired me.

Entertainment: 9+ Kept me entertained all the way until a little bit before the end.

Readability: 7+ Wrong format, only poetry! This could've been a wonderful poem with the right format, so hopefully next time aim for a perfect score.

Etc.: 9+ word choice, preview picture

Total: 84
Reply
:iconmoon-dazzle:
=Moon-DaZzLe Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks so much <3
all of this critique can be used to improve my next entry :)
Reply
:iconaliforever331:
~aliforever331 Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome :)
Looking forward to it!
Reply
:iconarzanianjoy:
=ArzanianJoy Nov 3, 2012  Student Writer
This is you're last warning to change the format or your points gets docked slightly! I told you a week ago about it. But we're going to be judging them in a few minutes.
Reply
:iconmoon-dazzle:
=Moon-DaZzLe Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, I thought you said for the first prompt we would not be docked. Oh well, next time I guess. I just didn't have time. Thanks though :)
Reply
:iconarzanianjoy:
=ArzanianJoy Nov 3, 2012  Student Writer
I said this: "As long as we haven't commented on your poem with a score, you are able to change it. After your score is out, there's no changing it... or you get disqualified for the round. But we haven't scored the prompts yet, so you are good to change it!"

Nothing about not docking it...Even in the first comment, I said I would accept this time but your points would be docked...
Reply
:iconmoon-dazzle:
=Moon-DaZzLe Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
alright, I guess I misunderstood you ^^
Thanks again for the clarifications <333
Reply
:iconarzanianjoy:
=ArzanianJoy Nov 4, 2012  Student Writer
Mmmm. No prob.
Reply
:iconmileable:
=Mileable Oct 29, 2012  Student General Artist
In moist places like Missouri, my aunt use to keep butterfly nets in the garage for when we visited:)
Reply
:iconmoon-dazzle:
=Moon-DaZzLe Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
cool!
I've never been there :(
I want to see fireflies!
Reply
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